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What’s For Dinner on Doomsday?

Ben Lauzier

December 21, 2012


The end is near! The Mayan calendar has stated that the world will come to a grinding halt today: December 21st, 2012. The date is significant because it marks the end of a 5,125 year cycle on the Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar. 2012’s conclusion is also associated with a prediction made by the Sumerians, a group that believed that Earth would be destroyed by a collision with a planet called Nibiru.

Many doomsdayers are digging bomb shelters in the backyard or making tin foil radiation helmets in preparation. We here at are trying to stay rational. It is easy to get into a tizzy over the collapse of Western civilization, but we rest easy knowing that some people – and foods – will learn to adapt. With this idea in mind, we give you our list of:

Foods That Will Survive the Apocalypse:

1) Pabst Blue Ribbon

Their new modified slogan – based on lack of competition – can be the “finest beer served…everywhere.”

2) Any items that begin with the word ‘fun,’ from Fun Dip to Funions

3) Activa Yogurt

Jamie Lee Curtis is keeping an endorsement stash in an underground cavern to ensure regularity during inevitable fiber shortages.

4) Dinty Moore Beef Stew

Summer camps will sell it for a whopping $60 per can.

5) Twinkies

Suppliers are opportunists who bought them en-mass during the Hostess strike.

6) Smucker’s Goober

A PB&J that never gets moldy AND takes up less storage space.

7) Dots Candy

It can be chewed or used as sealant in a pinch.

8) Wasabi Peas

It doubles as mace substitute that can be ground into a fine powder and rubbed into the eyes of  deranged looters.

9) Fla-vor Ice

Frozen or unfrozen, it can be used to regulate the blood sugar levels of diabetics.


There are plenty of foods that can outlast less-than-ideal conditions. Which is your favorite?



“ has been able to get our employees from all different departments together, to get away from our desks, recharge, and be able to return to our work, happy and full.”

—Ellen K., Employee Experience Specialist,